I don't do resolutions

Every year people ask me what my New Year's resolutions are. Then they look at me funny when I say I don't make any. I want to ask them how many of their resolutions they kept last year, how long did they even try? I spend to much time lying to myself as it is.



There are some things I want to accomplish this year though. Some changes I want to make. I feel like I have wasted the past year and the year before and....you get the picture. I realize that I am one of those people who find it easier to just stay in my comfort zone, stick with what I have always known even if it makes me somewhat miserable, rather than work to have something different. I am going to make this year different though. It's way beyond time.



I think part of it is that my oldest turned 17. In a year she will be 'legal' and I've heard through the grapevine that she's got plans. I felt a little twinge that she talked to Storm about them and not me, but I think it's just a matter of the subject came up...right place right time. She's planning togo to a vocational school and get training as a massage therapist. She also plans to move up to Portland where the school is located.....her and her boyfriend. Yeah *gulp* that gave me another twinge, just because she's my 'baby' and it is wierd to think of her living with someone. But I ramble.....hearing her plans has got me thinking about my own life or lack thereof.



I have no plans, at 42 I don't have a direction for my life to go in. I have just been 'the mom' for so long and now that usefulness is coming to an end. I'll still be mom but they won't need me as much. I sense empty nest syndrome approaching! I've still got at least five years with my son but I know how fast those years can go. I need to do something with myself.