Cleavage HNT!!

I like cleavage in general. I like it when women wear tops that give just tasteful hints of cleavage. I also like really low cut tops that show generous amounts of cleavage. And I stare in wonder at wearers of strapless gowns and wonder how they manage to keep them up and still show more than an enticing expanse of décolletage. So in true HNT spirit I will share mine...






Go see Osbasso for more HNT

dot dot dot

I swear, just the thought of having an hour or so to myself set off some kind of signal to the rest of the family. Is there some unwritten law that I am not allowed to be alone for any length of time in case I might actually have some peace?? Last night I decided to have a pamper me night. I have beent rying to do this at least once a week lately, it just never seems to work otu the way I plan.

After dinner last night I decided to burn some of my music onto a cd to play while I had a shower and then take into my room with me while I did the whole lotion every reachable inch of skin thing. I had a little difficulty with Nero because I am not exactly computer savvy and Storm had to point out what I was doing wrong. Everyone in the room had a good chuckle at my dumbness. This led to the admission that I intended to take the burned cd and go have some 'Me' time before bed. It was early, a little after eight o'clock. I figured I was safe. Suddenly it seemed like a good idea to Storm too, and was I going to be in there very long? Maybe she could shower before me since she is so quick. Then she changed her mind and said I could go first after all....then she changed her mind again and asked if she could go first because she wasn't feeling very well and wanted to lie down. Of course I said yes, she has caught the crud I had last week and I know how miserable it is. So there was the end of my pampering idea. I showered when she was done and then curled up in bed with a book while she watched Game Show Network until she got sleepy enough to turn it off. I shall try again for the alone time tonight. Maybe I will start earlier. Soon as dinner is over...maybe...

I need to take a picture for HNT....hmmm.....maybe I can use an old one from my files....I'll go rummage and see what I have....

My first HNT

Last week Storm and I went down past Eugene to visit a couple we have become friends with, Lady Papillon and mech. I first became acquainted with them several years ago on an adult chat site, Literotica, and three summers ago I finally met them in person at a kinky weekend event called Leatherwoods. They are the sweetest couple and I instantly adopted them. Last summer Storm was here and able to go to Leatherwoods with me and she took right to them as well. So last week it was Lady Papillon's birthday and we went down to help her celebrate. It was a great day, Lady P made dinner, Storm made her a birthday cake and mech showed us a new rope technique he had just learned. While dinner was cooking they showed us the dungeon. I was tickled! Apart from the outdoor one at Leatherwoods I'd never been in one before. I was like a kid in a toy store, eyes all agog and not knowing where to look first. Storm and I don't play with others really and most of the things in a dungeon aren't things we'd play with ourselves....yet....but I am so fascinated by it all one never knows what could happen someday. However, there was a toy mech had set up for his Lady that I had to see. It involves a violet wand and differing attachments. They have it set up for indirect contact so that when mech ran his fingers down my arms I got light tingly shocks that I could happily have run all over my body. Then Lady P showed some of her other attachments, one of which is a Whartenberg Wheel (sp??) On a low setting she ran it just over the back of my hand and forearm....and I liked it!! It gave off pretty little sparks! Later, back in the house, I noticed that I had little red dots on my skin where the wheel had touched. I ran my fingertips over them and they had a slight sting. I couldn't stop touching them, they were just so cool. I got Storm to take these the next day so I could have something to remember them by.....

Pretty little dots.....


On closer inspection.....



I think I need to investigate playing with electricity a bit more....I think I'm in love!


Go see Osbasso for more HNT

Wednesday wanderings

Last night Storm and I went down to the local redneck bar so she could play poker. They do a Texas Holdem game every Tuesday and Char's boyfriend goes down there every week. When Storm is in town she likes to go down. I don't play, I can never remember the rules, but for some reason I tag along. I usually take a book or a notebook to write in and end up munching tater tots and swigging Mountain Dew. Last night Char decided to go and 'keep me company' while they played but I hardly spoke to her. She was in and out of the place talking on her phone about a new job prospect. I hope she gets it, looks promising.

The problem with her being in and out was I couldn't get into anything. I had taken a notebook and was going to start outlining a new story idea that has been floating around my brain lately. Every time I'd pick up my pen she'd be back to jabber and then she'd be off again. Not good for the flow of ideas. She did help me did figure out the design for a bracelett I've been wanting to make though, so it wasn't a totally wasted evening.

I saw a woman there that Char and I went to high school with. I didn't care much for her in school, she was 'loose' and she hung around this boy I had a crush on. Yes, I was jealous. One of my main memories of her was that she had named her girly bits and the word got out. Unfortunately she had given them the unimaginative nickname of 'kitty'. I remember her leaving school in tears because a bunch of guys started chanting 'here kitty kitty kitty' as she walked by in the hall one day. The stupid things teenagers do. Char doesn't like her, they have bad history, but I have no reason to not be polite when I see her. Even when she corners me in the ladies room to drukenly reminisce about how no on liked her in school, but at least she remembers me being nice to her. Could have been the beer talking though.

Storm finally took pity on me and lost on purpose so we could go home. I should have demanded compensation for my time! Something besides soda and fattening munchies. On the way home she told me that this man at her table thought she was a guy, kept calling her 'him' and 'he'. It aggravates her when that happens, but she doesn't say anything. I guess she feels it would embarass the person if she corrected them in front of others, but if someone who knows her is there she wants them to do it. I wasn't near enough hear the conversation or she would have expected me to say something. It's something that happens occasionally. She could pass as a guy if she wanted to. She wears men's clothing out of preference for comfort and style, keeps her hair quite short in a guyish style, loves all things to do with tools and fixing and building things, her natural walk is even boyish. She is in no way 'girly' but she doesn't like being called 'he' it's not who she is.

I guess that I was thinking about that because of one of the TMI questions yesterday. It asked about my 'type' and I answered that I didn't really have one. I'm not sure that's completely true now that I think about it. On an individual basis I find people attractive for different reasons, mostly based on personality. But in general I do find certain traits attractive. I find strong butches quite sexy, the ones with that certain gleam in their eye that says they know how to treat a lady when she needs to be a slut. I find girly femmes sexy, the ones who can pull off the heels and are comfortable in stockings and are all soft and silky....could be femme envy in part though, I wish I could be that kind of girl. Personalities aside I do find a certain type of man physically attractive. I like Native American men, long black hair, dark eyes, smooth fairly hairless brownish skin, but on the tallish side. I actually married one of that type, except for the tall part. He had a sucky personality, but he contributed to the making of some pretty babies. Shallow of me, but that's how I put a positive spin on that chapter of my life.

I just found out that the high school has open campus lunch today because of finals. Living just across the street that means that the bratlette will be coming home, with her boyfriend in tow, to find sustenance. Lovely, maybe Storm and I can be 'away' right about then. Am doesn't need me to fix her lunch anymore, she's a big girl now. And here I was thinking Storm and I would have the day to ourselves. Kind of worries me for Friday. It's her birthday and she has outlined some specific plans for us during the day while the kids are in school. All I've got to say is no one had better try to stay home sick that day!!

TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?
No, most of those I dated had very bad luck with money




2. What is your type?
hmm....not sure I have a type



3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?
Does strip poker count? Sad....



4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?
Well, I was told the last name but had forgotten by the time I got home.



5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?
With Storm



Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?
Honestly I think it's an individual thing. Me, I don't feel any different than when I was a teenager....horny at the drop of a hat or a stiff breeze. So either I hit my peek and held it all these years or I'm still waiting.

Break through

My last posting found me frustrated and somewhat ambivalent over my intimate relationship with Storm. It's funny how things work. That day she made a few almost flirty comments that I just kind of let slide by. I didn't feel like playing a game that wasn't going to go anywhere. I had decided that I needed to make myself feel better and so I planned to put fresh bedding on the bed and after dinner have myself a nice hot shower, shave all the bits that I do and spend soe time relaxing by myself in the bedroom listening to my music. It was a great plan and I was really looking forward to it.

I went into the bedroom and took a bedding set out of the chest - quilt cover, pillow cases, matress sheet - and tossed them all in the clothes dryer with a nice smelling fabric sheet to give them that freshly laundered feel and scent. I intended to change everything before dinner....then Storm came in to see what I was up to. We ended up lying snuggled up on the bed just chatting about nothing much really. It was nice. I have a serious case of skin hunger that hasn't been addressed much and even fully clothed just the cuddly warmth helped.

When it got to be about time to fix dinner and I hadn't gotten the bedding changed I decided that I had better say something about my plans so that they actually got done. She thought it was a great idea and said that she would join me in the pampering because she had gone a bit foresty in places herself. then she hugged me up and kissed my forehead and casually said that she'd like to shag me at some time that evening. Not exactly romantic, but it did make me grin. I gave her my own casual reply of "Oh? Really?" I wasn't going to get my hopes up. Things tend to happen that get in the way. At that point I was more interested in spending time pampering myself than seeing any action. That's how far it's gone. Sex would have been nice, if it happened, but I needed the me time more.

With two teens in the apartment and flimsy walls it can be a bit inhibiting. It was so much easier when they were little and had an early bedtime. And if they asked why mommy made that funny scream they could be fooled with a tale of the tickle monster or somesuch innocent thing. Not anymore. So after the bedding was changed and dinner was consumed I headed of for the shower. It was one of those showers that is more for enjoyment than just getting clean. I exfoliated until my skin was all tingly, I conditioned and moisturized and when I was all done I turned the water on cool and sealed it all in. I don't know if that actually works, but it feels so good. Storm had her turn when I was finished and while she did that I got a load of laundry set to wash and switched on the dryer as well. They are loud and placed between our bedroom and the living room area where the kids were...nice little trick, helps covers any untoward sounds. I slow told the kids not to disturb us unless it was an emergency. Cheeky little buggers just kind of shrugged and pulled out their headphones without blinking an eye.

When I came back into the bedroom the lights were out, a candle lit and soft jazz music was playing, very romantic....not to mention the naked woman waiting for me in the bed! It even made up for her next comment...."Want to do me first?" Sometimes I swear she is such a guy *snicker*

One thing about Storm is that she is a fantastic kisser. I could kiss her for hours and hours and never get tired of it. Our lips just fit together so perfectly. Combine that with her body all warm and naked against me and I was in heaven. Then Storm did something that completely bowled me over. She took my face in her hands and looked me in the eye and told me to go down on her. It was like touching a match to flash cotton. See, oral sex isn't something Storm has ever been into. It has always given her a sense of claustrophobia and kind of grossed her out. We've been together eight years and until this past summer I had only gotten to do it once, and then only for a couple of minutes before she couldn't deal with it anymore. Last summer she had a breakthrough and allowed me to do it for a bit longer after some very intense lead up. I wasn't allowed to settle between her legs for it, I had to lean over one thigh, so it wasn't what I always fantasized about, but it was a start. The other night was different. She guided me down her body, kept one hand tangled in my hair and settled a leg over each of my shoulders. And she talked to me, told me what she wanted me to do, how she wanted it done and she made soft little moans and noises of pleasure. As she got closer her grip on my hair got tighter and she told me to fuck her with two fingers. It was something out of one of my best loved fantasies, her pulling me closer by my hair and telling me how to please her. By the time I finished her I was wetter than I'd ever been in my life. It was amazing!!

Good news is, no claustrophobia for Storm. She says she really enjoyed it and I can definitely count on getting to do it more. She also said that for a relative first timer I did really good....go me! Only trouble is, now I can't stop thinking about it.....I want to do it again!!

I'm soooo greedy!!

I should be happy

Today was the day Storm was supposed to go back to England, but she's not going. She extended her return ticket for another five weeks! This should make me extremely happy, and part of me is doing the happy boogie dance. But there's this little piece of me that isn't joining in the fun. That part of me that misses the passion and romance we used to have and at the same time can't seem to find a reason to reach out and bridge that ever widening gap between us.

But I'm glad she's staying. I don't know which is worse her not being here or her being here and not being interested. There's more to relationships than sex, right? That's what everyone says...but shouldn't there be some at least??

Maybe she's waiting for me to make a move. I just don't know what my reception would be. I dont' feel sexy vibes from her, I don't feel desired. I feel loved, no question about that. She wouldn't have traveled thousands of miles and spent so much money getting here if she didn't love me. But does she want me? I don't feel it.

Last time she was here we talked about it and she said she does...but. She's just not a sexual person, she's more intelectual and yadda yadda. Sometimes I feel like I got all dressed up and now have no where to go. I embraced my sexuality when we met and I let the wanton wench start emerging but now it's like she's not welcome anymore. When we talked about it last time we both listed some requirements we had of each other. I told her some things I needed from her and she listed some things she wanted from me. Neither of us came through. I needed to feel more connected, emotionally and sexually even if she isn't here....One thing she wanted was for me to lose 50 pounds by Christmas. Neither happened. She can't seem to give me what I need in that department and I can't muster the motivation to give her what she wants without getting what I need. We're stuck in a viciuous cycle.

Right now I really just want to go for a double thick cheesburger and super size fries with a gallon of soda....seems like eating is the only pleasure left to me.

Microfantasty Monday

Courtesy of Ang at Sweltering Celt

This week's theme: Multiple....people that is.



"Bring her to me.”

Even though I recognize and trust the voice I struggle as strong hands grip my arms and pull me forward. I lurch backward with all my might and hear the rush of my own pulse in my ears along with her low chuckle. I kick and struggle and sounds escape my lips that are near growls as I fight the inevitable, fight what I really want.

It’s all part of the game.

My captors drag me over to where she sits and still I struggle and twist in their grip as she calmly looks on. A slow smile curls her lips and she nods to the tall figures holding my arms. They force me down onto the carpet and my struggles increase, but they soon have me pinned spread eagle on the floor helpless. She walks over and stands between my bare feet her hand going to the buckle of her belt……

I don't do resolutions

Every year people ask me what my New Year's resolutions are. Then they look at me funny when I say I don't make any. I want to ask them how many of their resolutions they kept last year, how long did they even try? I spend to much time lying to myself as it is.



There are some things I want to accomplish this year though. Some changes I want to make. I feel like I have wasted the past year and the year before and....you get the picture. I realize that I am one of those people who find it easier to just stay in my comfort zone, stick with what I have always known even if it makes me somewhat miserable, rather than work to have something different. I am going to make this year different though. It's way beyond time.



I think part of it is that my oldest turned 17. In a year she will be 'legal' and I've heard through the grapevine that she's got plans. I felt a little twinge that she talked to Storm about them and not me, but I think it's just a matter of the subject came up...right place right time. She's planning togo to a vocational school and get training as a massage therapist. She also plans to move up to Portland where the school is located.....her and her boyfriend. Yeah *gulp* that gave me another twinge, just because she's my 'baby' and it is wierd to think of her living with someone. But I ramble.....hearing her plans has got me thinking about my own life or lack thereof.



I have no plans, at 42 I don't have a direction for my life to go in. I have just been 'the mom' for so long and now that usefulness is coming to an end. I'll still be mom but they won't need me as much. I sense empty nest syndrome approaching! I've still got at least five years with my son but I know how fast those years can go. I need to do something with myself.

I keep finding myself sitting here in my living room in the wee hours of the morning. I wake up and can't get right back to sleep and rather than toss and turn and disturb Storm I come out here. Sometimes I end up falling back to sleep in my chair snuggled up with a blanket, but most other times I sit and think too much. Or fight with the cat. He's a demanding beast and this time of the mornign is when he comes alive and wants things....fresh running water from the bathroom tap, a top up of his food dish, he wants out to pee but doesn't want to go outside because it's raining...he wants another drink because heaven knows his bladder isn't fullenough to warrant going out in the rain yet....maybe he will go out, but I have to stand at the door and wait to let him back in real quick....yeah, he's special. Don't know what I'd do without him to entertain me and keep me hopping. Have to love the beast!

Am turns 17 today. This time seventeen years ago I was just getting my first taste of what it's like to have an alien start to work its way out of my body. Of course she took a good 12 hours to finally make her appearance. I didn't intend to have her au natural but I wasn't very well informed about my options and didn't know until too late that there was a window for epidurals and I missed it! So she was born without benefit of drugs or anything to lessen the pain. I just about broke her father's thumbs off....that was the fun part.

So today she is 17 and I find myself thinking that another year and she'll be and 'adult' legally able to go wherever and do whatever without saying a thing to me. Terrifying. I like to think that maybe I have instilled in her something that will make her some sort of resonsible adult. I'm not sure about that. I've been told I'm too much of a softy because I didn't want to raise my kids under the same kind of oppression I was raised. I wanted to let them use their own voice, give them the freedom to express their opinions and the balls to give the world the finger every now and then. I didn't want them to take over 30 years learning that it's alright not to conform like it took me. I hope I did a good enough job. Only time will tell.

It's made me kind of nostalgic though. What was I doing at age 17, what was I like? I had just started my senior year of high school. I was a 'good girl' as far as anyone could tell. Very few people knew what really went through my mind most of the time. My mother was, is, very religious and I was very restricted. So I learned to be sneaky. I wasn't 'allowed' to listen to any music other than gospel, so I learned the value of headphones. and how to cover my musical tracks. I was being considerate and keeping my noise to myself, no one ever asked what I was listening to. It used to really amuse me when friends at school who knew would ask me how I knew all the words to songs on the radio when I wasn't allowed to listen to them. Sneaky, that's what I was. I carried make-up in my purse and washed my face before I went home. I spent the night at friend's houses on nights when there were school dances. I was crafty! Scary to think about it now, being on the parental end of things, but kids can be really sneaky to get what they want. No one knew that I wrote 'naughty' stories to entertain myself either. I had a very active fantasy life because I was the 'fat chick' no one wanted to date. I had one boyfriend when I was 14 but he only came near me when no one else from school would see.

Comparing myself to my daughter I am glad that she is as much of a free spirit as she is. She doesn't have to hide things from me, even though she doesn't always believe that. She still gets surprised that I don't get mad over things some parents flip a bitch over. I may not be happy about some things she does, but I choose my battles. I learned from my own teen years that if a kid wants to do something there is nothing a parent can really do to stop them. All we can do is try to keep them safe.

My baby....17 years ago...

The Players

These are the people who make my life an interesting, and sometimes stressfull, place....


Fire Storm: usually refered to as just Storm. We met online due to an ad placed by myself in Yahoo. I was just looking for a 'pen-pal' to relieve the boredom of my housewife existence. She answered from her home in England, intrigued by the idea of the wastelands of Montana where I was living then. We became friends and over time fell in love. Very long story made ridiculously short. We are now over eight years into a long distance relationship and still trying to figure out how to bridge the distance and come together full time.

The Kids: my two children, Am and Jam. Am is a typical 17 year old teen girl whose hobbies include spending time with her beau, texting everyone she knows on her phone and coming up with ways to drive me crazy. Jam is my 13 year old son who is permanently linked to his video game systems and his computer, his latest addiction is You Tube. Between the two of them they keep my brain in gear just trying to stay one step ahead of them.

Char: the girl next door. Literally. We live in adjoining apartments and our bedrooms share a wall. The heads of our beds rest against said wall which is very thin so I can hear her boyfriend snore and she can hear things that even the best of friends don't care to hear. Of course she then has to tease me about being a screamer! We've known each other since first grade...a very long time.

Wendo: my neice who is closer in age to being my little sister. She shares a lot of common interests and is half of the couple Storm and I love to hang out with most. The other half is her husband Dan'l....Beaver's fan extreme.

The Troll: my ex-husband. As much as I dislike giving him his own paragraph here he is a fairly permanent fixture in my life because of the kids. He is a constant source of stress in my life even though he still lives in Montana and we don't have to see him very often.