I should be happy

Today was the day Storm was supposed to go back to England, but she's not going. She extended her return ticket for another five weeks! This should make me extremely happy, and part of me is doing the happy boogie dance. But there's this little piece of me that isn't joining in the fun. That part of me that misses the passion and romance we used to have and at the same time can't seem to find a reason to reach out and bridge that ever widening gap between us.

But I'm glad she's staying. I don't know which is worse her not being here or her being here and not being interested. There's more to relationships than sex, right? That's what everyone says...but shouldn't there be some at least??

Maybe she's waiting for me to make a move. I just don't know what my reception would be. I dont' feel sexy vibes from her, I don't feel desired. I feel loved, no question about that. She wouldn't have traveled thousands of miles and spent so much money getting here if she didn't love me. But does she want me? I don't feel it.

Last time she was here we talked about it and she said she does...but. She's just not a sexual person, she's more intelectual and yadda yadda. Sometimes I feel like I got all dressed up and now have no where to go. I embraced my sexuality when we met and I let the wanton wench start emerging but now it's like she's not welcome anymore. When we talked about it last time we both listed some requirements we had of each other. I told her some things I needed from her and she listed some things she wanted from me. Neither of us came through. I needed to feel more connected, emotionally and sexually even if she isn't here....One thing she wanted was for me to lose 50 pounds by Christmas. Neither happened. She can't seem to give me what I need in that department and I can't muster the motivation to give her what she wants without getting what I need. We're stuck in a viciuous cycle.

Right now I really just want to go for a double thick cheesburger and super size fries with a gallon of soda....seems like eating is the only pleasure left to me.