Storm and I haven't talked about any of this since she's been here. Not on a personal level really. It's like we've kind of avoided the whole thing. When she arrived I was wearing the collar she gave me all the time, now I'm not wearing it at all. I told her that wearing it every day when we never do any of the things it symbolizes just made it seem like a regular piece of jewelry. I have jewelry she gave me that is special to me and that I wear all the time. My rings, a bracellet and two small gold hoops in my left ear. They are special, but the collar she gave me symbolizes something apart from those gifts of love. I asked that it be taken out and worn when we are actually going to play in a D/s vein. It's been in its box ever since. I opened the box and looked at it the other day and wondered if I did the right thing. Sad as it is I think so. I really don't want to let this go though. I just don't know how we can progress.
A few weeks ago we went to our first munch as a couple and then to a play party down in Eugene afterward. To be totally honest we were rather bored so we left early. There's not really any point in us going to play parties, because we don't play. Not in public, not with other people and not really with each other. It's not that we've lost interest I don't think, it's just we don't do anything. We talked some on our way back from the play party but we didn't come to any conclusions.
Personally, I've come to the conclusion I am not a submissive even though I have submissive tendencies. I am easy going and I don't put myself forward and take charge unless I have to. But I don't live to 'serve' and I don't enjoy being told what to do. Except in the bedroom. I guess that would make me a bedroom submissive. Kind of sucks to be me then.
Today I had an appointment with the rheumatologist. What a waste of my time. I sat and waited for ages and then they finally called me back and took my BP and stuff and I waited some more. The doc comes in and looks at my chart...he asks about my meds, decides to put me on something different than regular folic acid and says I need blood tests every three months and I haven't had them since July so I have to get poked. Then I tell him about this thing that's been going on and my regular doc putting me on the prednisone. This seemed to kind of piss him off a bit. He looked at my foot and wanted to know some details but he didn't offer any doctorly advice or seem to have much of a comment to make about it at all. And this is suppsoed to be his area of expertise. He was in the room with me maybe ten minutes at the most and then sent me off to the vampires down the hall. I was a little annoyed. So I go to the lab and we sit and do some more waiting. Finally I get called back and set up for the blood drawing. I told the vampire that my veins are uncooperative. It's because my arms don't open out straight to pull the veins tight, so they roll around. I don't really think she knew what she was doing very well either. She poked me twice and got nothing but a little color in the syringe. So she had to call in reinforcements. They are only allowed two pokes and then they have to let someone else do it. The second girl had drawn my blood before and she is good, she got me the first time. Had to use a wierd place though since the first woman had messed up the best place to draw blood from me. So I ended up with three punctures and three bruises. Oh well. When I go to my regular doc in a couple of weeks I am asking if there is really any reason I have to go see this dickhead of a rheumatologist who does nothing for me. I don't see why she can't order the same blood tests as he does and monitor the same things. We'll see what she says.
Storm was not happy about all the waiting. Luckily my cell rang and it was Wendo so Storm took it outside and had a chat with her. They were supposed to come over again this weekend and Storm was going to try cooking Chinese food, but they had to cancel. Since we were in town already Wendo wanted to meet up for lunch. So we dashed off to the bead shop and I got some neat beads and things to make a necklace for Char next door as a congrats on her new job and a thank you for driving us around when my car was broke. Bone colored seed beads, two small rounds of real turquoise, two tiny silver feathers and a small silver Koko-pele figure. It suits Char. I was looking for royal purple beads but they don't seem to have the color I need. The girl at the shop said it was something to do with the dye and fading. We are going back to another shop tomorrow to see if we can find something. I need it for a bracellet I am making for a new friend.
Lunch with Wendo and Dan'l was fun. We ate at HomeTown Buffet and definitely got our money's worth. But we sat there for a long time just chit chatting and having a good laugh. It's wierd how we see them almost every weekend whenever Storm is here, but when she is gone I hardly hear from Wendo. Guess I know who Wendo likes better!
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